Funny & Absurd
Green Day quotes — funny & absurd.
Funny & Absurd
“Have you ever ate a clump of a woman's period before?”
“Now that we're off camera, do you want to talk about dick, too?”
“Tré can mold various pocket pussies out of balloons! Beautiful.”
“Adrienne was taking a human sexuality class and she started talking to me about this class. And for a kid that's 18, some woman that's about 20, 21 years old talking to you about her human sexuality class... well, our conversations got pretty long.”
“Billie and me both wanted to be the class clown. He intrigued me because he could play the guitar. I’d finally found someone who’d listen to all my stupid jokes, and we became best friends. Before that, I played the piano a bit, but I wasn’t doing anything special. But Billie taught me how to play the guitar, and it worked. ”
“If there's one band I hate, it's fucking Slipknot with their ridiculous masks. My God, I can hardly contain myself... a nine-person pile of shit.”
“A lot of assholes from the Bay Area, they fucking split and go to a shithole called fucking Hollywood. I’m staying in Oakland, baby.”
“It would be stupid for me to slag the current music scene. Things are so bad now they're not even offensive. How can I slag NSYNC? That would be like beating up a 13-year-old girl.”
“We already knew about Tre Cool. The first time we saw him play, he was wearing a ballet tutu and had one of those old lady swimming caps with flowers on his head, but he was rocking it. As soon as I saw him on the streets with his drums, backpack and suitcase, I immediately thought it was a sign. And then he had an amazing bag of weed, and that first day instantly became a glorious Green Day.”
“We had one lady walk into the bookmobile. We were smoking so much weed. She walks in, and she's standing there for a second. She looks and goes, ‘Oh! This isn't a bookmobile, is it?’ She got all the way into the vehicle in a cloud of smoke.”
“You are only allowed to use the word 'hella' if you're from East Bay Area. I’m serious! No-one else in California is allowed! It was invented from Oakland through Crockett, CA. Got it? Good! Damn it!”
“Just look at Tre's hair! What’s not to love about THAT?! I wanna have sex with that haircut!”
“With Warning I wanted to start saying things in songs that I could be really proud of – that wasn’t just songs about masturbation. I mean, that’s significant, too…”
“The Tube system is difficult and I’m not down with warm beer.”
“Our shows are really fun and jovial and can also be pretty spiritual. Just let yourself go. And this is a place where every weirdo, every anxiety-prone, awkward human being can come and feel at home.”
“We live in a society where nothing is sacred. I was coming out of the hotel just two days ago in Los Angeles and there’s guys out there with cameras. The first thing I thought was, 'Thank God I don’t live in Los Angeles!' People just want to fuck you.”
“Mike’s broken his teeth, his elbow, busted his head open and had a beer bottle smashed over his head. In fact, he’s done everything other than die.”
“Green Day records in general are about feeling kind of lost, and a bit stupid, in the midst of chaos and media and everything that’s changed.”
“I think punk is a lot more than just anger, and rage. It’s like the weirdo that gets to find their voice for the first time. It could be someone that wants to have their own fanzine, and write about things they believe in, and despite the odds, do it anyway.”
“When Joey was little, he always pulled down his pants everywhere he went. He would not stop. I told him to stop one day and said if he did it one more time, a snake would pop out and eat his thing off.”
“[Lady Gaga] had this outfit on – she had so much shit on her when she walked by! She couldn’t move her arm because she was going on to do her performance, and it was like shaking hands with someone in a cast. She had this handler that was like, 'Don’t touch the costume! Don’t touch the costume!' She said something about how she loved Dookie so much she used to lick the pages. I thought it was really cool.”
“Me no spEek perty wen I tawk lik an tuul. I fudj up my werds lik a brian fart.”
“One day we will all get naked and have a million person sex party.”
“We would have kicked our younger selves off the tour. They were assholes.”
“When we were kids, we were shits. I remember times when we would walk block after block over the hoods of cars or just roll bowling balls down the steepest streets in Seattle.”
“Mike’s a mad sleeper—the way he sleeps he’s totally poised to hit the first person to tap him on the shoulder in the morning. Billie has bad dental hygiene, but so do I. A bit of my tooth rotted out the other day in Amsterdam. I’ve brushed my teeth three times on this tour! Fuck it! Beer cleans your teeth good enough.”
“That’s one thing in my life I’m not proud of - it was a dangerous situation. It was one of those everything nights - beer, wine, shots. And I’m only about 5'8" and 145 pounds. On the way home I ran a red light, and the next thing I knew I was in the back of a cop car. Not one of my prouder moments.”
“I had McDonald’s last night for the first time in five years… you know that feeling when you have a one-night stand with someone you’re totally not attracted to but you’re too drunk to figure it out? That’s what I feel like right now… it’s like, it’s a good idea at the time right? Now I’m just farting a lot…”
“I do think that deodorants are a scam. You wake up and put some on, then a couple of hours later you smell even worse, so you do it again. Just throw it away.”
“Today I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Do you know how many peanuts died for that shitty sandwich? I didn't hurt the peanuts!”
“My wife Googled ‘Billie Joe Armstrong bisexual.’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, there are about 20 pictures of you kissing different guys.’”
“The thing about sex and music is that you spend more time talking about it than you do actually doing it.”
“There was never any quitting in this band. Even when we thought we were making great records and people weren’t listening, we thought they were the stupid ones, so…”
“I don't push the self-destruct button in public. Part of the fun is doing it in your own personal time.”
“Jesus looks like a fucking pothead, doesn’t he?”
“It's sexy to be an angry young man, not a bitter old bastard.”
“When I play, I’m not a nice guy. You know when you get really drunk and it’s like this person inside you wants to come out and be obnoxious? It’s kind of the same thing. And then people like you for it. I don’t get that.”
“When Jesus was born on December 25th, people go hey, it’s Christmas time! When the Easter bunny comes, it’s like hey, it’s Easter! Or when September comes, people go hey, it’s that guy in Green Day…”
“I like a good cuddle party.”
“It’s weird to be looking at sheet music for something I’ve written and I can’t understand any of it. It’s like looking at Braille.”
“At many a party, Tré played on pots and pans and cardboard boxes as well.”
“We were playing and Mike looked over at me, and I flicked this imaginary booger at him. He caught the imaginary booger in his mouth. Little shit like that is still cool.”
“It’s really hard to read an interview. Sometimes people will say things with different tones of voice, and it’s not actually what they’re saying. If someone says something sucks, you can't tell if they're being sarcastic or serious. Sometimes I'll read something I’ve said and think, "What an asshole! Did I actually say that?!"”
“How about that time we all got drunk and went down on each other back when we were at college? We were experimenting with lesbianism.”
“I've never been beaten up! I'm a black belt in Run-Fu.”
“I used to drink beer and smoke pot before I played. Now I drink tequila and smoke pot. So it's a little different”
“We might be a little out of our minds sometimes, but we're fucking smart.”
“Punk is always something that's going to be with us and to try and explain that would be stupid at this point.”
“I wish people would turn off their computers, go outside, talk to people, touch people, lick people, enjoy each other's company and smell each other on the rump”
“People think that we're just good-looking guys with big dicks that play hot rock & roll. But we have feelings too.”
“The one thing that's always stuck with us is that we're crazy mother fuckers.”
“Dogs are gonna take over the world. It's a known fact for those who believe it, kinda like the Bible.”
“Punk is always something that’s going to be with us and to try and explain that would be stupid at this point.”
“Attack your instruments. Don’t let them attack you.”
“I kind of became everyone's weird uncle. I was drunk all the time wearing a fucking leopard G-string.”
“'Welcome to Montreal — fuck you' would be a good sign at your highways.”
“Just about 99% of the population masturbates while the other 1% lie about it.”
“When someone is in a car accident and they're driving at 100 mph, drunk, whose tape do you think he's listening to at that time? Think about it.”
“Do you wanna have sex and get married?”
“Slipknot sounds like Tre choking on a hairball.”
“Roll, roll, roll the joint - twist it at the ends. Light it up and take a puff and pass it to a friend.”
“Green Day is like sex, when we're good, we're really good, when we're bad . . . we're still pretty damn good.”
“Tre doesn't need to use a condom. He has a huge overlapping foreskin. He just ties it in a knot.”
“It's MISTER American Idiot to you...”
“I have a homosexual crush on most adolescents”
“I can suck my own.”
“I want to wash your grandmother.”
“I'm still wearing the pants I had in the eleventh grade”